Saturday, October 10, 2015

Achieving Manageable, Meaningful Change

Intentional Change Theory

Achieving Manageable, Meaningful Change

Intentional Change Theory gives you the tools you need to transform yourself.

How many times have you tried to change something about yourself, only to find yourself slipping back into old habits?

Change is never easy, whether you're trying to change a behavior, an attitude, or your current circumstances.

The process is likely to be more "stop, start, stop, start" than the smooth transition you'd like it to be, as willpower flags and as other priorities vie for your attention.

Change is especially tough if you haven't wholly bought into it – for example, if you're trying to make a change that, deep down, you don't want to make, or if you're making a change that was designed for someone else and that doesn't fully align with your aspirations.

This is why it's helpful to create a personalized change plan. In this article, we'll look at Intentional Change Theory, a framework that you can use to create a change plan that is tailored to you – with your own unique strengths, weaknesses, learning styles, dreams, and support networks.


This article focuses on career-related change. However, you can apply Intentional Change Theory to personal goals, too: for example, you can use it for a diet or fitness plan, for home interests or study, or for changing a habit or belief that's holding you back.

About the Tool

Richard Boyatzis, a professor at Case Western Reserve University, developed Intentional Change Theory (ICT) as part of his work on individual and organizational change.

He published it in 2006 in the Journal of Management Development.

The theory outlines five common-sense steps that you need to follow if you want to make a lasting change within yourself. These five steps are:

Discover your ideal self.

Discover your real self.

Create your learning agenda.

Experiment with and practice new habits.

Get support.

From Boyatzis, R.E. (2006) 'An Overview of Intentional Change From a Complexity Perspective,' Journal of Management Development, Vol. 25, No. 7. Reproduced with permission of Emerald Group Publishing Limited.

These steps guide you through the process of mapping out your plans, putting them into practice, and making them part of your life.

Applying Intentional Change Theory

Let's look at each step in detail, and explore how to follow each one through.

1. Discover Your Ideal Self

There is often a gap between who we are and who we ultimately want to be. So, the first step in making an intentional change is to define your ideal self.

Start by forming a clear sense of what you'd like to achieve. Think about your hopes and aspirations, and clarify them into short- and long-term goals .

Pay attention to what excites you during this process. Discard goals that you don't feel enthusiastic about, and keep exploring until you find ones that you'd truly like to achieve. Remember that they might be drastically different from what you're doing now.

Write down all of your dreams, however far-fetched they seem. At this stage of the process, it's helpful to see all of your hopes and aspirations, even if you later decide that some of them are not immediately achievable.

Next, think about what kind of person you'd like to be. Be specific: would you like to have more empathy? Arrive at work with more energy? Have more patience? Visualize the person that you'd like to become in detail, and write this down.

Tip 1:

One way to motivate yourself during your period of change is to create a Treasure Map of your goals. Alternatively, you may find that a personal mission and vision statement inspires you.

Tip 2:

Our Life Plan Workbook ($) gives you a comprehensive framework for exploring and clarifying your life goals.

2. Discover Your Real Self

Your next step is to define your real self – the person you are right now. This can be a challenging step, because many of us have trouble seeing our strengths and weaknesses clearly. However, it's essential to uncover both the good and the bad: you'll struggle to reach your goal if you are not clear about your starting point.

Start by defining your own strengths and weaknesses. Use tools such as the StrengthsFinder , Personal SWOT Analysis , and Myers-Briggs to uncover more about your real self.

Alternatively, start with a simple list. What do you like most about yourself? What needs to change? Explore your current attitudes, assumptions, behaviors, and habits.

Also, ask for feedback from family, friends, colleagues, and your boss, explaining that you'd like their opinion on your strengths and weaknesses, so that you can work on these. Then use the Feedback Matrix to explore this feedback in more detail.
3. Create Your Learning Agenda

Now that you've defined who you are and who you'd like to be, you can create a "learning agenda" to align reality with the vision. Your learning agenda (also known as a personal development plan ) will also help you stay on track.

First, define what you need to do to move from your current self to your ideal self. Who can help you along this path? What resources do you need? Brainstorm the ways that you can access the information or training you need.

Then, identify your learning style . When you know this, you can learn more effectively – both on your own and in a group. For example, if you know that you prefer to learn by reflecting on information, schedule time to do this after a class or at the end of a study session.

Find a mentor or coach who can help you become your ideal self. This person might be a work colleague, friend, business associate, or professional coach.

Tip 1:

It's essential to do a reality check at this stage. There may be some changes that just aren't possible right now. Note these down on a "bigger picture" list of plans. You can work on these when your circumstances or resources change.

Tip 2:

You may be held back by a lack of time, or by conflicting demands. You can deal with this by focusing on a few changes at a time. Also, and where appropriate, embed your learning in your working life to help avoid frustration: our article on finding time for professional development outlines ways that you can fit learning into your schedule.

4. Experiment and Practice New Habits

Once you're heading in the right direction, it's time to practice. This will help you turn the changes you've made into new habits. Whether you're adopting a new skill, starting a micro-business, or changing an attitude or belief, do something – however small – every day that reinforces the changes you've made.

This step is also about experimenting – that is, finding stimulating ways to learn – and then testing your new knowledge, skills, or attitudes.


Quick wins are an important source of motivation and self-confidence. For example, imagine that you're trying to be more patient with others. Find a small way to build your patience with your team every day.

5. Get Support

None of us gets far alone. Friends, family, colleagues, and our community can encourage us and give support that propels us through challenging times.

As you're going through the intentional change process, draw on the support of the people around you. Tell people you trust about what you want to do, and why you want to do it. Share your learning agenda, and ask for their support as you move forward.


Remember, you're not the only person who's trying to change him- or herself positively. Build good work relationships by helping your colleagues with their own development: this way, you can give one-another support.

Key Points

Richard Boyatzis, a professor at Case Western Reserve University, created the Intentional Change Theory (ICT) and published it in the Journal of Management Development in 2006.

The model recommends that you use the following five steps to make a lasting change:

Discover your ideal self.
Discover your real self.
Create your learning agenda.
Experiment with and practice new habits.
Get support.

You can use the framework to customize your change process to suit your own life, learning style, and environment. However, change will only happen if you build small changes into your life, practice them to build new habits, and ask for support when you need it.

This site teaches you the skills you need for a happy and successful career; and this is just one of many tools and resources that you'll find here at Mind Tools.

 Subscribe to our free newsletter, or join the Mind Tools Club and really supercharge your career!

By Caroline Smith and the Mind Tools Team


Smart Things to Do When the Booze and Drugs Are Gone:

12 Smart Things to Do When the Booze and Drugs Are Gone: 
Choosing Emotional Sobriety through Self-Awareness and 
Right Action

Whether it's called 'dry drunk' or 'white knuckle sobriety,' it's that stage in recovery when we realize that 'putting the plug in the jug' isn't enough. 

The next step is taking responsibility for the emotional immaturity that fuels our addictive personality and has a tremendous impact on ourselves and others.

In 12 Smart Things to Do When the Booze and Drugs Are Gone, Allen Berger, Ph.D., draws on the teachings of Bill W. and psychotherapy pioneers to offer twelve hallmarks of emotional sobriety that, when practiced, give people the confidence to be accountable for their behavior, ask for what they want and need, and grow and develop a deeper trust in the process of life. 

These 'smart things' include:

- Understanding who you are and what's important to you
- Learning not to take others' reactions personally
- Trusting your own inner compass
- Taking responsibility for your reactions to problematic situations

It is in these practices that we find release from what Bill W. described as an 'absolute dependency' on people or circumstances, and develop the tools to find prestige, security, and belonging within.

12 Smart Things to Do When the Booze and Drugs Are Gone: Choosing Emotional Sobriety through Self-Awareness and Right Action PDF Details:
Amazon Sales Rank: #18092 in Books
Published on: 2010-07-08
Released on: 2010-07-12
Original language: English
192 pages

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Customer Review:

Most helpful customer reviewsAn Engaging Self-help book packed with
useful wisdom

By Judith S. Mishkin

This self-help book was engaging and packed with very useful wisdom for the audience for which it is intended. My copy is heavily highlighted and my little sticky notes makes the pages look like a fringed carpet. Dr. Berger uses his AA background and the 12 steps to help the reader learn about emotional sobriety.

His first chapter, Smart Thing 1: Know yourself--and How to Stay Centered sets the stage for a person's personal growth. He "help(s) us build up the courage and motivation to change the things we can. "

In the book, Dr. Berger uses quotations and ideas from the great pioneers of family therapy, such as Victor Frankl and Abraham Maslow.

Here are some examples and how Dr. Berger uses the material. From the ideas of Augustus Napier, PhD. and Carl Whitaker MD (page 139), Dr. Berger says "This means we choose a take the next step in our personal development."

He quotes Virginia Satir (page 156), "The problem is not the problem. The problem is coping (1972).

From Dr. Nathaniel Branden's sign "No one is coming", Dr. Berger says, and I paraphrase: "No one is coming to rescue (us) from their fate. It is up to (us)."

From a personal communication with Dr. Kempler, he quotes on page 52, "In order to get more personal, you have to stop taking the other person's behavior personally." (1982)

From "A psychological technique called neurolinguistic programming," (page 116), Dr. Berger talks about

1. Change our focus,

2. Change our language (What we say to ourselves) and

3. Change our physiology (Try smiling)."

Dr. Berger has only one exercise, "The Emotional Sobriety Inventory Form," which he asks the reader to fill out near the beginning of the book and again at the end. It is the only exercise I have ever done since I left school! The book is definitely worth reading.

Judith Mishkin, Marriage and Family Counselor, retired.

I am not one to write reviews, but I felt compelled to do so here. Dr. Berger has hit the nail right on the head with this book!!! I have just celebrated 1 year of sobriety, and have begun incorporating numerous aspects of his book into my life--understanding who I am and what is important to me. I have given this book as a gift to a countless number of friends and family both in 12 step recovery and not. In my opinion, 12 Smart Things holds gifts that can benefit ANYONE'S emotional sobriety.

By D. Cella

Clear, concise, simple guidelines that are easy to remember and incorporate into everyday routines. This is Berger's second book and I love this book as much as the first one. He breaks down how to achieve emotional sobriety into short and easy points to use everyday.

read books online pdf


Fools Repeat their Folly

There is no further education to be gained by a second kick of a mule.  

The Success Principles by Jack Canfield

We can learn to have priorities and goals to grow from our current situation to the life we want.

Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Daniel Dennett on Tools To Transform Our Thinking

Published on May 29, 2013

Filmed at the Royal Geographical Society on 22nd May 2013.

Daniel Dennett is one of the world's most original and provocative thinkers. A philosopher and cognitive scientist, he is known as one of the 'Four Horseman of New Atheism' along with Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris and the late Christopher Hitchens.

On May 22nd he came to Intelligence Squared to share the insights he has acquired over his 40-year career into the nature of how we think, decide and act. Dennett revealed his favourite thinking tools, or 'intuition pumps', that he and others have developed for addressing life's most fundamental questions. As well as taking a fresh look at familiar moves -- Occam's Razor, reductio ad absurdum -- he discussed new cognitive solutions designed for the most treacherous subject matter: evolution, meaning, consciousness and free will.

By acquiring these tools and learning to use them wisely, we can all aspire to better understand the world around us and our place in it.

Three Myths of Behavior Change - What You Think You Know That You Don't:...

Published on Mar 20, 2013
Jeni Cross is a sociology professor at Colorado State University. She has spoken about community development and sustainability to audiences across the country, from business leaders and government officials to community activists. As a professor and consultant she has helped dozens of schools and government agencies implement and evaluate successful programs to improve community well-being. In this talk, she discusses her work around changing behaviors. 

Thursday, October 1, 2015

The Neuroscience of Happiness

Uploaded on Jul 1, 2011

Is happiness a skill? Modern neuroscientific research and the wisdom of ancient contemplative traditions converge in suggesting that happiness is the product of skills that can be enhanced through training and such training exemplifies how transforming the mind can change the brain. 

Kent Berridge, Richie Davidson, and Daniel Gilbert speak at the Aspen Ideas Festival

Inspiring talk by Earl Nightingale and transcript

 This is a transcript...

The Strangest Secret


Transcribed from The Strangest Secret audio program by Earl Nightingale

Some years ago, the late Nobel prize-winning Dr. Albert Schweitzer was asked by a reporter, “Doctor, what’s wrong with men today?” The great doctor was silent a moment, and then he said, “Men simply don’t think!”

It’s about this that I want to talk with you. We live today in a golden age. This is an era that humanity has looked forward to, dreamed of, and worked toward for thousands of years. We live in the richest era that ever existed on the face of the earth … a land of abundant opportunity for everyone.

However, if you take 100 individuals who start even at the age of 25, do you have any idea what will happen to those men and women by the time they’re 65? These 100 people believe they’re going to be successful. They are eager toward life, there is a certain sparkle in their eye, an erectness to their carriage, and life seems like a pretty interesting adventure to them.

But by the time they’re 65, only one will be rich, four will be financially independent, five will still be working, and 54 will be broke and depending on others for life’s necessities.

Only five out of 100 make the grade! Why do so many fail? What has happened to the sparkle that was there when they were 25? What has become of the dreams, the hopes, the plans … and why is there such a large disparity between what these people intended to do and what they actually accomplished?


First, we have to define success and here is the best definition I’ve ever been able to find:

“Success is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal.”

A success is the school teacher who is teaching because that’s what he or she wants to do. A success is the entrepreneur who start his own company because that was his dream and that’s what he wanted to do. A success is the salesperson who wants to become the best salesperson in his or her company and sets forth on the pursuit of that goal.

A success is anyone who is realizing a worthy predetermined ideal, because that’s what he or she decided to do … deliberately. But only one out of 20 does that! The rest are “failures.”

Rollo May, the distinguished psychiatrist, wrote a wonderful book called Man’s Search for Himself, and in this book he says: “The opposite of courage in our society is not cowardice … it is conformity.” And there you have the reason for so many failures. Conformity and people acting like everyone else, without knowing why or where they are going.

We learn to read by the time we’re seven. We learn to make a living by the time we’re 30. Often by that time we’re not only making a living, we’re supporting a family. And yet by the time we’re 65, we haven’t learned how to become financially independent in the richest land that has ever been known. Why? We conform! Most of us are acting like the wrong percentage group and the 95 who don’t succeed.


Have you ever wondered why so many people work so hard and honestly without ever achieving anything in particular, and why others don’t seem to work hard, yet seem to get everything? They seem to have the “magic touch.” You’ve heard people say, “Everything he touches turns to gold.” Have you ever noticed that a person who becomes successful tends to continue to become more successful? And, on the other hand, have you noticed how someone who’s a failure tends to continue to fail?

The difference is goals. 

People with goals succeed because they know where they’re going. It’s that simple. 

Failures, on the other hand, believe that their lives are shaped by circumstances … by things that happen to them … by exterior forces.
Think of a ship with the complete voyage mapped out and planned. The captain and crew know exactly where the ship is going and how long it will take and it has a definite goal. And 9,999 times out of 10,000, it will get there.

Now let’s take another ship and just like the first and only let’s not put a crew on it, or a captain at the helm. Let’s give it no aiming point, no goal, and no destination. We just start the engines and let it go. I think you’ll agree that if it gets out of the harbor at all, it will either sink or wind up on some deserted beach and a derelict. It can’t go anyplace because it has no destination and no guidance.

It’s the same with a human being. However, the human race is fixed, not to prevent the strong from winning, but to prevent the weak from losing. Society today can be likened to a convoy in time of war. The entire society is slowed down to protect its weakest link, just as the naval convoy has to go at the speed that will permit its slowest vessel to remain in formation.

That’s why it’s so easy to make a living today. It takes no particular brains or talent to make a living and support a family today. We have a plateau of so-called “security.” So, to succeed, all we must do is decide how high above this plateau we want to aim.

Throughout history, the great wise men and teachers, philosophers, and prophets have disagreed with one another on many different things. It is only on this one point that they are in complete and unanimous agreement and the key to success and the key to failure is this:


This is The Strangest Secret! Now, why do I say it’s strange, and why do I call it a secret? Actually, it isn’t a secret at all. It was first promulgated by some of the earliest wise men, and it appears again and again throughout the Bible. But very few people have learned it or understand it. That’s why it’s strange, and why for some equally strange reason it virtually remains a secret.

Marcus Aurelius, the great Roman Emperor, said: “A man’s life is what his thoughts make of it.”

Disraeli said this: “Everything comes if a man will only wait … a human being with a settled purpose must accomplish it, and nothing can resist a will that will stake even existence for its fulfillment.”

William James said: “We need only in cold blood act as if the thing in question were real, and it will become infallibly real by growing into such a connection with our life that it will become real. It will become so knit with habit and emotion that our interests in it will be those which characterize belief.” 

He continues, ” … only you must, then, really wish these things, and wish them exclusively, and not wish at the same time a hundred other incompatible things just as strongly.”

My old friend Dr. Norman Vincent Peale put it this way: “If you think in negative terms, you will get negative results. If you think in positive terms, you will achieve positive results.” 

George Bernard Shaw said: “People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can’t find them, make them.”

Well, it’s pretty apparent, isn’t it?   We become what we think about. 

A person who is thinking about a concrete and worthwhile goal is going to reach it, because that’s what he’s thinking about. 

Conversely, the person who has no goal, who doesn’t know where he’s going, and whose thoughts must therefore be thoughts of confusion, anxiety, fear, and worry will thereby create a life of frustration, fear, anxiety and worry. And if he thinks about nothing … he becomes nothing.


The human mind is much like a farmer’s land. The land gives the farmer a choice. He may plant in that land whatever he chooses. The land doesn’t care what is planted. It’s up to the farmer to make the decision. 

The mind, like the land, will return what you plant, but it doesn’t care what you plant. If the farmer plants too seeds and one a seed of corn, the other nightshade, a deadly poison, waters and takes care of the land, what will happen?

Remember, the land doesn’t care. It will return poison in just as wonderful abundance as it will corn. So up come the two plants and one corn, one poison as it’s written in the Bible, “As ye sow, so shall ye reap.”

The human mind is far more fertile, far more incredible and mysterious than the land, but it works the same way. It doesn’t care what we plant … success … or failure. A concrete, worthwhile goal … or confusion, misunderstanding, fear, anxiety, and so on. But what we plant it must return to us.

The problem is that our mind comes as standard equipment at birth. It’s free. And things that are given to us for nothing, we place little value on. Things that we pay money for, we value.

The paradox is that exactly the reverse is true. 

Everything that’s really worthwhile in life came to us free and our minds, our souls, our bodies, our hopes, our dreams, our ambitions, our intelligence, our love of family and children and friends and country. All these priceless possessions are free.

But the things that cost us money are actually very cheap and can be replaced at any time. A good man can be completely wiped out and make another fortune. He can do that several times. Even if our home burns down, we can rebuild it. But the things we got for nothing, we can never replace.

Our mind can do any kind of job we assign to it, but generally speaking, we use it for little jobs instead of big ones. 

So decide now. What is it you want? Plant your goal in your mind. It’s the most important decision you’ll ever make in your entire life.

Do you want to excel at your particular job? Do you want to go places in your company … in your community? Do you want to get rich?

All you have got to do is plant that seed in your mind, care for it, work steadily toward your goal, and it will become a reality.

It not only will, there’s no way that it cannot. You see, that’s a law and like the laws of Sir Isaac Newton, the laws of gravity. If you get on top of a building and jump off, you’ll always go down and you’ll never go up.

And it’s the same with all the other laws of nature. They always work. They’re inflexible. 

Think about your goal in a relaxed, positive way. 

Picture yourself in your mind’s eye as having already achieved this goal. 

See yourself doing the things you will be doing when you have reached your goal.

Every one of us is the sum total of our own thoughts. 

We are where we are because that’s exactly where we really want or feel we deserve to be and whether we’ll admit that or not. 

Each of us must live off the fruit of our thoughts in the future, because what you think today and tomorrow and next month and next year and will mold your life and determine your future. You’re guided by your mind.

I remember one time I was driving through e a s t e r n Arizona and I saw one of those giant earth-moving machines roaring along the road with what looked like 30 tons of dirt in it and a tremendous, incredible machine and and there was a little man perched way up on top with the wheel in his hands, guiding it.

As I drove along I was struck by the similarity of that machine to the human mind. 

Just suppose you’re sitting at the controls of such a vast source of energy. 

Are you going to sit back and fold your arms and let it run itself into a ditch?

Or are you going to keep both hands firmly on the wheel and control and direct this power to a specific, worthwhile purpose? 

It’s up to you. You’re in the driver’s seat. 

You see, the very law that gives us success is a double-edged sword. 

We must control our thinking. 

The same rule that can lead people to lives of success, wealth, happiness, and all the things they ever dreamed of and that very same law can lead them into the gutter. 

It’s all in how they use it … for good or for bad. 

That is The Strangest Secret!

Do what the experts since the dawn of recorded history have told us to do:

pay the price, by becoming the person you want to become. 

It’s not nearly as difficult as living unsuccessfully.

The moment you decide on a goal to work toward, you’re immediately a successful person 
and you are then in that rare group of people who know where they’re going. 

Out of every hundred people, you belong to the top five. 

Don’t concern yourself too much with how you are going to achieve your goal.

 Leave that completely to a power greater than yourself. 

All you have to do is know where you’re going. The answers will come to you of their own accord, and at the right time.

Start today. You have nothing to lose and but you have your whole life to win.


For the next 30-days follow each of these steps every day until you have achieved your goal.

1. Write on a card what it is you want more that anything else
. It may be more money. Perhaps you’d like to double your income or make a specific amount of money. It may be a beautiful home. It may be success at your job. It may be a particular position in life. It could be a more harmonious family.

Write down on your card specifically what it is you want. Make sure it’s a single goal and clearly defined. 
You needn’t show it to anyone, but carry it with you so that you can look at it several times a day. 

Think about it in a cheerful, relaxed, positive way each morning when you get up, and immediately you have something to work for and something to get out of bed for, something to live for.

Look at it every chance you get during the day and just before going to bed at night. 

As you look at it, remember that you must become what you think about, and since you’re thinking about your goal, you realize that soon it will be yours. In fact, it’s really yours the moment you write it down and begin to think about it.

2. Stop thinking about what it is you fear. 

Each time a fearful or negative thought comes into your mind, replace it with a mental picture of your positive and worthwhile goal. 

And there will come a time when you’ll feel like giving up. It’s easier for a human being to think negatively than positively. That’s why only five percent are successful! You must begin now to place yourself in that group.

“Act as though it were impossible to fail,” as Dorothea Brande said. No matter what your goal, if you’ve kept your goal before you every day, you’ll wonder and marvel at this new life you’ve found.

3. Your success will always be measured by the quality and quantity of service you render. 

Most people will tell you that they want to make money, without understanding this law. The only people who make money work in a mint. The rest of us must earn money. This is what causes those who keep looking for something for nothing, or a free ride, to fail in life. 

Success is not the result of making money; earning money is the result of success and and success is in direct proportion to our service.

Most people have this law backwards. It’s like the man who stands in front of the stove and says to it: “Give me heat and then I’ll add the wood.” 

How many men and women do you know, or do you suppose there are today, who take the same attitude toward life? There are millions.

We’ve got to put the fuel in before we can expect heat. 

Likewise, we’ve got to be of service first before we can expect money

Don’t concern yourself with the money. Be of service … build … work … dream … create! Do this and you’ll find there is no limit to the prosperity and abundance that will come to you.

Don’t start your test until you’ve made up your mind to stick with it. If you should fail during your first 30 days and by that I mean suddenly find yourself overwhelmed by negative thoughts and simply start over again from that point and go 30 more days.

Gradually, your new habit will form, until you find yourself one of that wonderful minority to whom virtually nothing is impossible.

Above all … don’t worry! Worry brings fear, and fear is crippling. 

The only thing that can cause you to worry during your test is trying to do it all yourself

Know that all you have to do is hold your goal before you; everything else will take care of itself.

Take this 30-day test, then repeat it … then repeat it again. Each time it will become more a part of you until you’ll wonder how you could have ever have lived any other way.

Live this new way and the floodgates of abundance will open and pour over you more riches than you may have dreamed existed. Money? Yes, lots of it. 

But what’s more important, you’ll have peace … you’ll be in that wonderful minority who lead calm, cheerful, successful lives.

Learn more about Earl Nightingale and his many timeless books and audio programs.
The Strangest Secret
The Strangest Secret Article by: Earl Nightingale

See more at: 

Learn more about Earl Nightingale and his many timeless books and audio programs.

The Strangest Secret - Advantedge Article By Earl Nightingale


The Strangest Secret Earl Nightingale Conant 1950's Origional FULL 31:35 Min.
31:35 - 4 years ago
Earl Nightingale Conant The Strangest Secret 1956 1950's