Tuesday, January 26, 2016
The Real Secret to Changing Your Life
If you’ve already broken a New Year’s resolution or two, take heart. I can let you in on the ultimate secret for successfully making change in your life.
A century’s worth of psychological research reveals an interesting paradox in who we are. On the one hand, once we reach adulthood our basic personalities remain unchanged for the rest of our lives. We keep doing the same things—and feeling the same ways—over and over. But, on the other hand, every day we change our behavior drastically in response to different environments. Most of us are one person at work, for example, and another person at home.
The implication of these findings for making (and keeping) New Year’s resolutions is clear:
It is easier to change our environment than to change ourselves. So, if you want to change yourself, change your environment.
Said differently:
Whenever possible, don’t try to fight temptations – avoid them!
The easiest way to make a change in your life is to modify the world around you in ways that will naturally drive you toward making, and maintaining, the change you want. There are many ways to change your environment, but let’s focus on 4 that have stood the test of time:
1. Nature hates a vacuum: In the context of changing your life, this means you can’t just get rid of something that is an important part of your life and leave a big emptiness in its place. This is one of the great secrets of Alcoholics Anonymous: you substitute the location of a bar and the company of fellow drinkers with an AA meeting in the company of people committed to sobriety. If you want to exercise instead of watch TV in the morning, put a treadmill in the spot where your TV once sat. If you eat too much at night because you are lonely and it briefly makes you feel better, do something in the evening where food is not available and eat earlier in the day so you don’t starve.
2. Make it easy: It is hard enough to change habits or behaviors, so don’t make it any harder. Let’s take me as an example. I’ve been trying for several years to lose weight but always failed due to two problem behaviors: once I start eating a meal I can’t stop myself from eating more than I should; and, although I do pretty well during the day, in the evening I invariably break down and eat more than I should. So how have I lost 10 pounds recently? By going with these weaknesses and modifying my environment in ways that allow me to succeed in spite of them. Because I can’t regulate what I eat very well once I start, I’ve limited how often I eat – which means fasting for a good portion of the day. Because it isn’t practical to fast at night given a family at home (and my weakness for eating at night), I fast during the day when the environment makes it easy. I’ve changed my environment so that I avoid restaurants at lunch and make sure I keep focused on work during the peak time of my midday hunger. A final note on this strategy: you have to accept a blow to your pride to find ways to work with your weaknesses instead of against them.
3. Skin in the game: Recent studies are suggesting that you can use monetary rewards and punishments to help change problematic behavior. In essence, these strategies require that you change your environment in ways that make it so painful to fail that you are motivated to stick with the change you are attempting. Let’s take dieting/weight loss as an example. Imagine that you’ve set up your environment such that you will have to pay money to something or someone if you fail to reach your goals (some people have found it especially effective for the money to go to a cause they hate). How much money would need to be on the line to motivate you to shed those extra 20 pounds? Would the threat of losing $ 10,000 keep you focused on succeeding?
4. Don’t do it alone: Change is infinitely easier if you are surrounded by a group of people who are working toward a similar goal and can understand your challenges. And the opposite is also true: change is much harder if you spend your time with people who encourage, or participate in, the very activities or behaviors you are trying to overcome.
The fact that it is easier to change your environment than to change yourself comes with a final bonus. It means that if you are struggling to make the change you want in your life, it is important not to blame yourself, or beat yourself up, but to recognize that you simply have not found the right strategy yet for leveraging the power of the world around you.
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